Comfort Is A Girl’s Worst Friend

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A theme that has come up recently with the younger people in my life is the issue of how to assess the value of an opportunity.  I have repeated the same advice, to think about  the long term benefit(s) of accepting the opportunity being presented.  The thing that stood out very clearly in both situations is that they wanted to wait for the perfect situation that did not require any additional sacrifice: the perfect job in their field, paying the desired salary, close to home with a positive work environment.  These are people working survival jobs that don’t bring fulfillment or much career advancement.

What I told them both is that we have to step out of our comfort zones to get where we want to be.  A very “lucky” person can see things work out exactly as expected, however the truth is, it is highly unlikely.  Plans face frustrations.  There is a popular expression that states: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”  While that sounds pretty cool and most would agree, as with most motivational quotes, it is a different thing altogether to internalize its meaning then practice it in real life. And what is a comfort zone??

 

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We are created to multiply our innate gifts and talents.

 

Welcome To The Comfort Zone

‘Comfort zone’ is a pretty way of saying ‘complacent’ or ‘apathetic.’  It is a state of familiarity, predictability, consistency and untested confidence.  It’s a place of the knowns and known unknowns.  It is home base.  In a comfort zone you know what you have.  The down side to never straying from the comfort zone is stagnance.  Yes you know what you have, but it is all you will ever have.

Showing Up

We often get to a point in life where we want something different, even if we do not know exactly what it is.  There is a powerful force inside that yearns to be released in some particular direction.  It may be the desire for more income, better use of skills, development of interests. In this day and age entrepreneurship is the highly valued; more people than ever want to “be the boss.”  But any change to the norm requires some level of ambition and that inescapably requires risk.

When we want to accomplish something greater we need a plan of action with short term and long term goals; we have to assess what we are willing to give up to get started in that desired direction.  Changing careers or employers is a good example.  Are you willing to give up the place you live?  Are you willing to take a longer commute to work or work in an environment that is not ideal in order to gain practical experience in order to become a more attractive candidate for the dream career you envision?  Are you willing to make the monetary sacrifices necessary, such as spending more on transportation or more professional credentials?

It is nearly impossible to make any progress toward a significant goal without getting very uncomfortable.  Success and risk go hand-in-hand.  There is no way to know where an opportunity will lead and sometimes the best opportunities appear very undesirable.  Doing things we don’t “feel like” doing can be blessings in disguise because the first step is to make ourselves available for that unknown key to unlock the door to the chance of a lifetime.  The first thing you have to do is show up.

I learned this while pursuing a career in acting.  Plenty of people are drawn to the industry because of the perceived glamour and riches that can come with it.  Have you ever watched a TV show or movie and wondered how in the world that actor got that part?  Maybe their acting stinks or they are otherwise somehow wrong for the role. When I see situations like that I remember what I was told by casting directors: about half of the actors who are invited for auditions don’t bother to show up!  Showing up is literally half the battle in life.  Actors who go to everyaudition that they can, even ones they’re not invited to, are more likely to eventually book work consistently, not only because of the increased odds they gain from going to as many auditions as possible, but because their consistency is noted and appreciated.  They’re hungrier than everybody else!  And because of that they will be trusted for their work ethic and reliability.  So between two actors, one being stellar who attends auditions sporadically and one being mediocre who shows up consistently, the latter will have a higher likelihood of booking the part because of their reputation.

The other thing I learned from the acting world is that the industry is small. Everybody knows everybody, ultimately. Other industries are the same. Human beings are relational.  One of the blessings of showing up is that you don’t know who is going to notice and make a recommendation to someone looking for someone just like you.  You never know whose mind you are on.

Showing up for every audition you can get to means showing up when you “don’t feel like it.”  When you’d rather sit on the couch and watch TV or doing whatever other activity brings you pleasure.  It even means showing up if you are less than prepared and chalk it up to simply more audition experience and another opportunity to “be seen” by someone who may be looking for your type in the future.  Being willing to get uncomfortable means being willing to be less than your normal cute self.

The point is that it is those who do not expect their best opportunity to look and feel a particular way, but can consider the different ways that an opportunity may be able to enhance their skills, network and reputation who will ultimately fulfill their purpose and reach their goals.

Training Day

 

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Challenges can make you stronger.

 

The best thing about challenging one’s self to get uncomfortable is how it will strengthen a person.  When we get uncomfortable there are hurdles that we have to figure out how to overcome. It makes one more “street smart.” It develops character.  It teaches one how to manoeuver in life when inevitable difficulties (the unknownunknowns) come up – even in the realm of your ideal life.  Overcoming fears, doubts and anxieties trains our brain and our spirit to persevere instead of giving up when things get hard. It can teach us to recognize ugly-looking opportunities as the potential diamonds in the rough that they are.  Ask a real estate investor.  The gold mines of life are the places that most won’t go because it’s not cute or easy.

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Overthinking: The Anti-Superpower?

UntitledWe all know what a superpower is, right?  I would describe it as some incredible ability that nobody else has or a very rare gift that allows the holder to do amazing things.  Earlier this year my uncle told me I was Superwoman because nobody expected me to live when I was battling hodgkin’s lymphoma with a scleroderma pre-condition, much less to go into remission from both and thrive while reaching for my dreams.

But what is the opposite of a superpower?  Maybe there are a few.  But I strongly believe (since yesterday!) that one word that can definitely define the opposite of a superpower is over-thinking.

I’ve been thinking about over-thinking and how to resolve it; how to overcome it to accomplish goals, certainly, but more importantly, to create a great an abundant life.

Here’s Why I Think Over-Thinking Is The Anti-Superpower

Over-thinking will destroy the ability to take advantage of an opportunity; it will lead to procrastination; it can even lead to self-doubt because the more you think think think over something the more likely you will end up thinking your way out of doing it.  Ultimately, over-thinking is dis-empowering.  This occurred to me very clearly just the other day.

Two days ago I posted about my issues with not completing my book and what could be holding me back.  I believe that over-thinking plays a part.  Instead of just going for it I over-think and psyche myself out.  When you spend too much time thinking instead of stepping boldly into action it’s like getting yourself caught up in a net that is difficult to untangle without great effort – lost in your thoughts.  And that process can lead to overwhelm.

We Can Express Both Strength and Weakness In The Same Habit

I must give myself credit for the areas where I can see that I am overcoming this habit.  There are things I am doing business-wise and personally that are happening because I am blocking out worry – another offshoot of overthinking – about if I’m ready and the definite and potential risks.  I am taking my own advice to others, that you have to take a risk if you want to accomplish something.  If you let fear keep you petrified in the same place you end up with frustration.  You end up with real failure.

“Fail Forward”

The above is one of my mantras.  There are different kinds of failure.  There is failure that leads to growth, which can form a stepping stone in the right direction.  And then there is failure that keeps you from moving forward.  (Moving forward can mean moving in another direction, but the operative word is moving!)  Not trying in the first place is a sure-fire way to not move forward.  I consider not trying a form of failure because it could mean missing your true calling.  Much of the time we don’t try because we are full of fear.  When there is no escape from fear, like laying down in a hospital bed nearly immobile, barely lucid much of the time, in never-ending excruciating pain for months on end, you eventually figure out how to defy your fears if you want to live.  This is why challenging our comfort zones is so important.

Well, this is my lesson to myself today: overcome this “anti-superpower” called overthinking.  I’m so proud of me!!

What do you think?  Do you have an issue with spending too much time rummaging over an idea in your mind instead of taking decisive action?

Follow me on instagram at @melissa_the_mariner and on Facebook at @thefinancialfashionista.

You can also find me on the Rainbow in Bloom podcast here:

Apple:  http://bit.ly/RainbowOnApple     Spotify:  http://bit.ly/RainbowOnSpotify

 

Sign Seeing

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Over the past couple of weeks three themes have kept popping up everywhere I look!  I’ve had lots of time to sit and reflect on where I am in my life, how I got here and what I need to do to move forward .  The universe seems to be in agreement with me as the same ideas have popped out at me in scripture, social media posts and even Sunday service.  On social media I have commented that the collective unconscious is working overtime right now.  I’m not the only one to notice.  Having a break from “busy”ness has allowed my mind to rest and me to get more centered and focused.    Below are the three ideas that have resonating around me.  The first two I touched on in last week’s blog post.

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  1. Missed Opportunities.  There’s nothing worse than a missed opportunity.  Hindsight is 20/20 As I look back (which I do very carefully!) I can see many of the opportunities I missed either by not grabbing them when I had the chance or not putting myself in the position to create them.  I acknowledge the self-doubt this was rooted in.  Looking back is only useful if you gain lesson to apply to future decisions.  It is an opportunity to fine-tune one’s intuition, ability to reason, and make better life choices.  journeytolaunch_1561592622500438037
  2. Preparation.  Last week I wrote that in business an elevator pitch is valuable tool that will allow the business person to be prepared for a chance encounter with someone who could in some way be instrumental in achieving their business goals.  The meme above was posted on Instagram by a financial coach; it was a post about being prepared financially for life’s emergencies.  This of course ties in to missing opportunities.  Some opportunities come with a cost.  I saw in my past opportunities I missed out on because I was not ready financially – and I could have been.
  3. FOMO.  When I read about the concept of FOMO, a light bulb went off.  When I read it a few days later in the intro to the verses assigned for one day’s bible study, it was like my mind was blown after being struck by lightening!  It perfectly pinpoints something I have sensed about myself while taking an honest look at the past three years.  FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out.  Patrick McGinnis, who coined the term, describes FOMO in the Disrupt Yourself Podcast, Episode 21.

“an inward struggle and it impedes you from disrupting yourself because I think you lack focus. There is a positive side to FOMO in that it can tell you what your hidden dreams and desires are. If you feel FOMO when you see somebody start playing the piano maybe you should go out and take piano lessons….But I find that it is a great way to distract yourself from doing the hard things in your life you need to do. Rather than sitting down…and dealing with that big challenge that you need to deal with, you spend a bunch of time running around doing other things to stay busy.”  

I’ve been reading the book The Power of Focus by Jack Canfield, Mark Mansen and Les Hewitt.  In one of the first chapters they write about not being distracted by the next shiny new thing.  But the question is ‘why’ do we do that?  The answer is FOMO.  FOMO will eat up lots of opportunity, ironically, because when you’re chasing all you will catch none.  It is futile.

So once the signs are acknowledged the next step is to apply what they teach.  These signs have reiterated a nagging feeling that I need to be doing less, not more.  Being busy isn’t the same as being productive.  I’ve been noticing that the more busy I have become the less satisfied I have been feeling with the results of my efforts.  So now, mid-2017, is a good time to assess my priorities, strategies and activities, make sure they are in line with my goals.

Have you noticed any signs instructive this summer?