My Mini Social Media Detox

Digital Media head

I realized this morning that I haven’t been watching the news. I checked my Wall Street Journal app and saw yet another story about George H. W. Bush in a couple of days, and I thought, “Did he die???” I did a Google search and saw that he had passed away two days ago.

I actively avoid the news, only paying attention to things that I am curious about and only in outlets that I know will not expose me to things that I don’t want to give my energy to.

I am an emotional sponge. I have to be careful about what my eyes and ears consume. About three years ago I realized how manipulative social media had become. I could see how a Facebook, for example, had figured out my triggers and posts would constantly show up on my feed to incite an emotional response that I would react to. So in my own life I could see the manipulation that was going on and understood that it was fundamental to the business model there. Not only was I fatigued by the constant bickering particularly on certain pages that I am convinced were conceived by some department at the company to keep users engaged to sell more to, but the things I was going through with my health were already dragging me down emotionally and psychologically.  I gradually backed away.

Now studies are being published proving what I experienced, and of course it is especially pronounced and dangerous with children who don’t have that level of awareness.

Digital media has been transformative in this world, helping us to get closer and shed light on the dark corners of this world but it has also increased ills such as anxiety, depression and confusion that we should all be vigilant in protecting ourselves from.

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What Not To Wear??

Question: 

At what point in a relationship is it appropriate for your significant other to criticize what you wear?

Guadeloupe

On a recent trip to the Caribbean, that was supposed to be a romantic getaway, I decided to change into a pink off-the-shoulder tunic that I absolutely adore.  It has a string of multi-colored pink pom-poms tiered on a braided cord.  I intended to wear it as a beach coverup.  My boyfriend clearly didn’t take to the look.  He kept asking, “What is that hanging there?” And something like, “Why would you wear that?”  Granted, we kid around with each other – I call him Bighead, but that’s more like a double-entendre. (Hehe)  Anyway, he proceeded to inform me that it’s something he would give his 10-year-old. I felt he was getting pretty liberal with his commentary needed to be reined in.  You see, this was our very first trip together after three months of talking on the phone; we’ve known each other most of our lives, but only as casual friends.  We were still sorting out this new version of our relationship.  We’ve decided that we’re in love.  That said, I’m a practical girl.  I’m not lead by emotion and having been single most of my life, I have a pretty good idea of what I stand for and the sacrifices I’m willing to make to compromise and make my relationship work.  But I’m also an independent woman who needs to be respected.  So my response was to establish a “New Rule: If you didn’t pay for it, you don’t get to criticize it!”  I said it as nicely as possible.  I believe I put a smile on my face to force myself to not have an attitude about it, but not a big enough smile to make him think I wasn’t serious.

It took me a month to pack my suitcase! I thought I was satisfied the first time I packed, but as time went on and I thought more about what I would need and how I wanted to look, I decided to reconsider everything.  I put back half the things I had packed when I realized I had enough for a week, not three days!  Then, like I said, I had to reconsider what I wanted to look like. What experience did I want to help create for us through what I wear.  See, what a woman choosesto wear is not only self-expression but atmosphere transforming. What impression do I want to make? Where that pink tunic fell into that context is ‘ beachy, fun, silly, youthful.’  The flip side of this situation is what it tells me about him at this early stage of our relationship.

The Top Three Things I Learned About My Boyfriend Via My Wardrobe

One impression of him i solidifies is that his personality is more on the serious side.  I’ve said this to him.  He does have a sense of humor and we laugh a lot (mainly because of my lightheartedness, to be honest) but his disposition is serious.  He is divorced and perhaps this is due to the experience that lead to that conclusion, as well as his sense of obligation to his children and the family business.  Whatever the case, the bottom line is that he is more of a serious, conservative person.

The second impression it gives me is that he does have an expectation for how I am to look for him.  This surprised me a little because he has made statements about being a more casual dresser – jeans and a nice t-shirt – although not against dressing up a bit when it’s called for.  When I talked to him about my challenges with packing well for the trip, he told me I don’t need to give it that much effort just for three days.  But in the back of my mind I know my man would want me to look good for him, therefore I took his input with a grain of salt.  If nothing else, I have to look good for me. Looking back, I am adding up the comments he made that make it clear he ispaying attention and what I wear doesmatter to him.

The third thing I have learned about my new boyfriend is that he will definitely complement me when he is impressed with how I look, and it doesn’t require overt sex appeal.  It was the outfit that covered me nearly head-to-toe that got a rave review: “You look really beautiful in that outfit.”  It was a pair of grey lounge-y, refined sweater pants with a grey hip-length tunic with embroidered cut-out floral design, and sparkly dark grey platform open-toed sandals.  When I walked toward him at the outdoor bar where he was waiting for me, his associates turned around to watch.  I think that did it.  I’ve also figured out that he prefers neutral tones like grey, tan, navy blue, brown, black, etc.

The moral of the story is, I am willing to dress the way my man likes, but the decision is mine to make unless he foots the bill for my wardrobe. (Gotta work on that!)  In the meantime what I amwilling to do is avoid wearing things I know he definitely won’t like – but ONLY if it’s convenient for me!

Overthinking: The Anti-Superpower?

UntitledWe all know what a superpower is, right?  I would describe it as some incredible ability that nobody else has or a very rare gift that allows the holder to do amazing things.  Earlier this year my uncle told me I was Superwoman because nobody expected me to live when I was battling hodgkin’s lymphoma with a scleroderma pre-condition, much less to go into remission from both and thrive while reaching for my dreams.

But what is the opposite of a superpower?  Maybe there are a few.  But I strongly believe (since yesterday!) that one word that can definitely define the opposite of a superpower is over-thinking.

I’ve been thinking about over-thinking and how to resolve it; how to overcome it to accomplish goals, certainly, but more importantly, to create a great an abundant life.

Here’s Why I Think Over-Thinking Is The Anti-Superpower

Over-thinking will destroy the ability to take advantage of an opportunity; it will lead to procrastination; it can even lead to self-doubt because the more you think think think over something the more likely you will end up thinking your way out of doing it.  Ultimately, over-thinking is dis-empowering.  This occurred to me very clearly just the other day.

Two days ago I posted about my issues with not completing my book and what could be holding me back.  I believe that over-thinking plays a part.  Instead of just going for it I over-think and psyche myself out.  When you spend too much time thinking instead of stepping boldly into action it’s like getting yourself caught up in a net that is difficult to untangle without great effort – lost in your thoughts.  And that process can lead to overwhelm.

We Can Express Both Strength and Weakness In The Same Habit

I must give myself credit for the areas where I can see that I am overcoming this habit.  There are things I am doing business-wise and personally that are happening because I am blocking out worry – another offshoot of overthinking – about if I’m ready and the definite and potential risks.  I am taking my own advice to others, that you have to take a risk if you want to accomplish something.  If you let fear keep you petrified in the same place you end up with frustration.  You end up with real failure.

“Fail Forward”

The above is one of my mantras.  There are different kinds of failure.  There is failure that leads to growth, which can form a stepping stone in the right direction.  And then there is failure that keeps you from moving forward.  (Moving forward can mean moving in another direction, but the operative word is moving!)  Not trying in the first place is a sure-fire way to not move forward.  I consider not trying a form of failure because it could mean missing your true calling.  Much of the time we don’t try because we are full of fear.  When there is no escape from fear, like laying down in a hospital bed nearly immobile, barely lucid much of the time, in never-ending excruciating pain for months on end, you eventually figure out how to defy your fears if you want to live.  This is why challenging our comfort zones is so important.

Well, this is my lesson to myself today: overcome this “anti-superpower” called overthinking.  I’m so proud of me!!

What do you think?  Do you have an issue with spending too much time rummaging over an idea in your mind instead of taking decisive action?

Follow me on instagram at @melissa_the_mariner and on Facebook at @thefinancialfashionista.

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